If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I need water and some morals
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
