Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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