Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
