I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
