why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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