i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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