My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
