can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
