I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I need a burrito and a hug.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
