just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
