Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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