last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
