Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
420 ftw
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
tequila makes me forget i have legs
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
