no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
im on a boat
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