he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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