Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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