I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My vagina is officially offended.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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