Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
