my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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