TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
