Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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