He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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