So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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