I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
