i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
