awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
