I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
