in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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