idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
