giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
