so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
