Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
