toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
