Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
