I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
