this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
