the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
