I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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