Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
