First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
