No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
