We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
