maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
