Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
