i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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