is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
