The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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