so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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