my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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