Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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