i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
