i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
