Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
