and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
