Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
