corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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