she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My dick has a subreddit
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
